Connie and Carla (2004)

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Connie (Vardalos) and Carla (Toni Collette) are lounge singers. Literally they sing in a Chicago airport lounge. They specialize in cabaret clichés like Yentl, Evita, Jesus Christ Superstar and, of course, Cabaret and have big dreams of stardom, despite their respective no good boyfriends (Dash Mihok, Nick Sandow) who, despite not quite being employed themselves, insist the women give up their dreams and get real.

One night, the lounge duo witnesses a mob hit, which is bad (and clichéd) enough. To make matters worse, the guy who got whacked stole a kilo of cocaine from his “boss” and stored it in Connie and Carla’s gym bag. They don’t know that until they’re already on the lam and Connie (or is it Carla?) accidentally explodes the package, leading to a hilarious scene of Collette totally strung out and babbling a mile a minute.

They wind up in LA, figuring that’s the one place nobody would ever look for them after all, it’s not like there’s culture there, not to mention dinner theatre and land jobs posing as drag queens in a cabaret. They become the toast of the town, but when Vardalos, playing a man playing a woman falls for the straight brother (David Duchovny) of one of her drag buddies (the always wonderful Stephen Spinella), she has difficulty not blowing her own cover.

Meanwhile, the main mob guy, Rudy (Robert John Burke), has sent his Russian leg man, Tibor (Boris McGiver) to dinner theaters all over North America in search of the escaped duo. McGiver steals the movie as his ultra macho character begins to develop an appreciation for the finer points of Mame and tap (no pun intended) into his inner Ethel Merman.

Logically, much of C&C; doesn’t make sense. For example, there’s no way they would last five minutes as drag queens, neither Vardalos nor Collette have the right body structure to pose as men. Both have the natural curves of women, unlike Julie Andrews’ androgynous body in Victor Victoria. It’s a given that any gay man (and most straight men, and most women of either sexual orientation) would sniff them out in a second. The actors commit so thoroughly to their roles, though, that the enormous plot holes aren’t as distracting as they might otherwise be.

In some ways, Connie and Carla seems like an exercise in slumming for Collette, although her total commitment makes Carla sweetly endearing. She was first noticed in North America for her performance in another comedy about music obsessed women, Muriel’s Wedding (which co-starred fellow Australian Rachel Griffiths). They performed Abba covers at a nightclub long before anyone on Broadway ever heard of Mamma Mia! Then, after a series of low profile roles, she wowed audiences with her performance in The Sixth Sense, then once again in the cable movie Dinner with Friends, and most recently in The Hours and Japanese Story. So if she wants to do a lowbrow comedy, she’s certainly earned it.

Sure, Connie and Carla features dozens of stereotypes, but none are offensive because they are written pretty darned accurately. One of the best moments of this film features a barroom packed with gay men singing “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” at full throttle. The drag subculture is alive and thriving, always has been, and always will be. If you want a real drag trilogy, rent Stonewall, then the original La Cage Aux Folles (1978), and finally, Flawless.

One of the best things about this movie though some may find it didactic is the message that women should be comfortable with their own bodies, regardless of size or shape. This would be even better if either of the leading women were other than what’s generally accepted as normal (Vardalos) to slender (Collette), but still, it’s nice to see in a relatively mainstream movie.

There are good moments in Connie and Carla, strung together by Broadway and piano bar classics and lots, lots, LOTS of glitter. The preview audience loved every minute of the movie, which is a good indication that, despite reviews, C&C will become a cult classic, at least among gay men and the women who love them.

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